This is my third year teaching first grade and I cannot think of a better job to be in. I get to work with little ones all day who think you are amazing, I hear some of the most profound statements ever, and be their shoulder to cry on when they need one.
This year has been an especially challenging one. It seems that some of these little ones have a lot of "baggage" to carry around. Not all of them of course, but a select few. It is sad to say that a 6 year old has "baggage," but unfortunately life hasn't handed them the best cards. This life in turn, creates aggression at times, anger, and difficulty forming bonds and close relationships with other students and teachers. I have several of these little guys in my room, it makes for a challenging day (usually everyday) and a lot of work, but I don't lose sight of the reasons I am there.
There is one students in particular who has a rough go of things. The first day of school was when I found out this student was mine. Her mom brought her in and gave me a long explanation on how difficult she is and what a pain she could be. I had also seen her "in action" last year. She was a definite challenge and I wasn't sure I was up for it! So, I treaded carefully the first week and let her know what a hard worker she was and how kind she was. This seemed to have paid off because we have a pretty good rapport to date.
This little girl touches my heart daily. I get utterly frustrated at times and feel like I am completely out of my league and not sure what to do next but if I just remember what she is looking for, I can usually neutralize the situation before it escalates.
The other day during our reading time, I pulled her aside to work with her on some individual academic needs that she needs assistance with. This was a particularly difficult day and she was giving me some serious attitude. So I made sure to compliment her on her hard work and work her through the more difficult areas. By the time our fifteen minutes of one-on-one work (while the rest of my class was working on a more difficult, independent task) she had settled down. I began to realize that she requires some individual attention to help her through her emotional turmoil.
Later that day, as we were doing some writing, I told the class that this was a "free day" (meaning, they could write about any topic they wanted to but they just had to stay on that topic). Most of them picked their favorite toy, game, friend, or a family trip. This students chose to write about something completely different...ME. To understand how special this is, you must first know that writing is very difficult for her and getting her concepts on paper takes a lot of work. She uses every resource available to her in my classroom (posters, pictures, name tags, etc.) She managed to write "I love Mrs. Gilmore and she loves me." It was so moving for me, especially considering she shuts others out very quickly and has a difficult time forming good relationships. It was an honor!
Since this day, I have spoken with her mother at times and her mom has voiced the change in her daughter not only at school but also at home. She sees behaviors decreasing and more respect from her at home. I have heard other teachers mention that she is so much more calm this year. Now, whether that is just her growing up or a new class environment, I don't know but I do know that I love her dearly and am so grateful to have her, attitude and all.
Near the beginning of the year, she took her water bottle out to recess and squirted another student with it, all over him!! The teacher on duty took it away (which caused for a huge scene) and explained the situation to me later. That day I spoke with her and told her she had one more chance to use her water bottle properly and then if she made the wrong choice she would lose the privilege to have it at recess. The next day the teacher saw her with it and started to talk to her about it. My student turned to this teacher and said, "Lady, my teacher believes in second chances."
This teacher got such a kick out of this comment that she shared it with me (and many others). She still laughs about it and has told me several times that it should be engraved on my headstone.
It does feel good, to know that a child that is difficult to reach, is reachable.
I went into this profession to make a difference and because I love working with kids. They are the most amazing people in the world and they love you endlessly. So many make the mistake of thinking that they are too little to understand the world and too young to deserve your respect. This is completely innaccurate. Some of them need it more than we will ever know or understand ourselves.
I will never forget her and will be devastated to see her go when the year is over. She is a sweet girl and a hard worker, sometimes clouded by the walls she has built around herself, but when she lowers her wall, even if just for a small period of time, she is amazing!! I hope she knows how much she means to me and how blessed I feel to have her.
To my sweet little student~ I love you too!
that light up our days.
