Two Very Special Guys...

Last weekend I was so lucky to get to spend the weekend with two of my favorite guys in the whole world, my husband and my little "big" brother. We flew out to Washington State together and then we were able to spend all day Friday with just the three of us. While many have said, "Wow, you are so lucky" in a very sarcastic tone considering I was the only girl, it was a wonderful trip.

These two guys made me laugh so many times and so hard that my stomach hurt. We had the best day on Friday. We started out driving around our old stomping grounds. I have been up within the last 3 years so I was refreshing my brothers memory and sharing these memories with my husband for the first time.

After visiting the stomping grounds, we went to lunch at an amazing brewery and ate the best Fish N Chips ever. It was so good. Then we were off to the Bonneville Fish Hatchery and Multnomah Falls in Oregon. Jared was so excited to see the fish! I guess boys never really outgrow the love of seeing the BIGGEST fish.

While walking around the hatchery, Jared and Toby tried to outdo each other on who could embarrass the other the most. I think in turn, I was the one who got to be the most embarrassed, just take a look at how "Special" they are. I only wanted a nice picture of the two of them, this wasn't exactly what I was shooting for!

We then walked over to the Fish ladders and were watching the fish, this was when Toby told Jared that he would pay him $100 just to jump in with the fish. They both thought it was hilarious but that it was a bad idea considering Jared would be using the $100 plus much more to bail himself out of jail and pay fines.

After the fish ladders we went down to the dam to see it. Jared made a comment that the water was very "rapidy" and then realized immediately that that was not a word and

was a mistake that he would be paying for all day. Toby then started to make all words end with the "y" sound. They are a mess for sure. Then Toby filmed the dam and made a few really dumb jokes about it being the "damn dam" and how "rapidy the water looked." Jared was amuzed as well as the rest of us. Oh, the things that entertain us!

After we were done looking at the dam we were going back to the parking lot and rather than walking around this huge embankment we decided to race up it. Well, this is a pretty steep embankment but I beat them all, but once we hit the parking lot, Jared had me beat. He cheated though, he used his extremely long stride to win. I can't compete with 6 foot 6 inches of person!! It just wasn't fair odds!

We were leaving the hatchery and security had to put us through, Toby and the security guard began talking about Police Work forever so Jared and I made fun of him and his "Badge Heaviness" all the way to Multnomah Falls. This was hilarious! It was fun to be the ones picking on him once in a while because we all know Toby is the worlds worst.

At Multnomah Falls, it started to rain and Jared was taking pictures of everything, around every corner so it was freezing by the time we reached the top. When we finally go there, two

two people were practically having a photo shoot near the bridge. The girl kept telling the ridiculously posed guy to "look to the left and don't smile, pretend you don't care." We started to laugh hysterically and Toby made the comment about it being some kind of Abercrombie shoot. So, when it became time to take Jared's picture at the falls, Toby was ridiculous. He kept telling Jared (very loud I might add) to "Look Mad, Look Mad" and we couldn't keep straight faces. The people around us were laughing hysterically as well, so Jared's mad picture turned out to look so funny. But we have to give him credit for trying!

After leaving the falls we drove back to John and Mel's house and were able to spend the evening with some of our best friends in the world. Amber and Amanda. We have some history

that goes way back and we were able to reminisce and visit a lot. Amanda chose to make fun of Toby and Jared for the picture they took at Bonneville and they made their own personal shot of it. It was a classic. We sat around and visited with John, Melanie, Amanda, Amber, Uncle Scott, Nora, Debbie, Austin, and the three of us. It was a fun filled evening of tears, laughter, and lots of sarcasm. Our family would not be the same without it.

The next morning we got up to the smell of biscuits and gravy and bacon. Melanie is a good cook and she made a heap of food for the big day. We ate and shared laughter as well as more tears. We then went up on the mountain to the spot that John had picked out to spread my dad's ashes, it was breathtakingly beautiful. Thank you John for being so thoughtful! While we

all shed tears for our loss, we also shared funny stories and good memories and even had a few laughs. I cannot think of better people to share this experience with.

It was then that my "sweet" husband had my brother laughing, which he needed at the moment. He told him that the incline on the hill was very "steepery." It was hilarious and we all shared a laugh, considering they were all in on it too because we shared the funny story the night before.

We went back to the house after this and enjoyed a wonderful meal and time with together before my Grandparents went back to Oregon and Amanda and Amber drove back up to Seattle. We took some classic shots to mimic our "grown up" version of the four little kids that were inseparable. It was a bittersweet goodbye to them. I know we keep in contact so much better now but it is always hard to say goodbye to the two

girls that don't really count as best friends, they are more like sisters in a family.

After our goodbye, we were able to spend the evening with John and Mel and of course, the three of us. Jared and Toby were fascinated with Melanie's parrot, Ollie and I think they wanted to touch it but were scared (rightfully so, it would have bitten them). However, they would walk by it and it would do a weird hissing sound and throw up his wings, they thought it was so funny, I think it would have been funnier if the bird actually snagged one of them for messing with him.

We had a quite evening and watched a little t.v. after going back up to the spot where we spread dad's ashes, just one more goodbye before our departure the next morning. During the trip, John told stories that were so funny none of us stopped laughing for about an hour.

Good ole' John, you can always count on him for a good laugh and a good time.

The next morning we got ready and started on our hour drive to Portland to board the plane. Mel and I were pretty quiet, I think we were both dreading the end of the trip, but the guys kept visiting and telling stories. It was nice to have the guys. I sat in between my brother and my husband the whole way to the airport. They were squishing me but they were still a comfort to me. I love those two. They are the best support and I love them so much. They made a time that could have been harder, fun. We enjoyed ourselves and had some real quality time together.

As we said our tearful goodbye and promised to visit soon, Toby and Jared got our luggage and we headed into the familiar airport.

we sat in the airport, we had a great time of laughing about certain styles of people (such as socks and wedge heel flip flops) not the best look.

When we boarded the plane, we were all in seperate rows but managed to talk the other people into switching so we all ended up together. Before boarding the plane, I bought a word find book and ended up getting less time with it than the guys. Then there was competition between the two of them as to who could find more the quickest or who circled them better. They really are something else.

But as I looked at my brother and my husband I thought of how lucky I am to have these two special guys in my life. They know how to make me laugh when I am down and can relate

better to me than any other guys in the world. I am so lucky to have them as a part of my life. I am grateful for this trip so that I was able to have this quality time with both of them.

They are amazing men and I am so blessed to have them as a part of my family. I can't think of better people to have spent this time with.

Thanks guys! It was an amazing trip and I am so glad that I got to spend it with both of you.

A Final Resting Place

So, last weekend we went to Washing-

ton State to put my dad to rest, finally. I feel confident that he will be happy with his resting spot, knowing that his children, parents, brother, and friends were there to send him off. We owe so much to these people (especially the Kercmar Family) for their love and support.

I hope my dad knows how much we love him and will forever miss his presence in our lives. I will miss the occasional phone calls we shared once in a while and the visits ever so often. I will miss my dad!

As we were having my dad's service, I began reflecting on the moments in my life that my dad was a part of. I remember the good and the bad, but choose to focus on all the good. During his services, my grandpa mentioned that his years in Appleton (where we lived) were the best years of his life. I have so many memories there that I count as some of the best in mine as well, who knows, some of them could have been shared by both my dad and me. My grandpa mentioned the day I was born and how proud my dad was. I can now say, after many moments and hours of reflection, I too, was proud to be his daughter.

I am so grateful to have my memories of my dad that I get to carry with me throughout the rest of my life.

I had a conver-

sation with a friend recently that I will be forever grateful to have had. She lost a parent in much the same way I lost my dad. We both lost our parents many years before their actual passing.

I lost my dad to alcohol many years ago, unfortunately, he was never able to catch his demons and pull himself out of his bottle, but the love I had for my father never changed . I realize now that I have gone through the grieving process twice for my dad. Once, 16 years ago when my parents divorced and we moved from Washington to Arizona. I didn't get to physically see my dad again from the time I was almost 10 until my 13th birthday. It was so hard to go without someone I cared about for so long, especially when I was so used to seeing him so regularly. I eventually became content with only phone calls. After that it was another 3 years before I saw him and that was only for a week.

I missed my dad and was very resentful of the fact that he wasn't around more. I didn't understand how if he loved me he could go so long without seeing me, especially when he always told me how much he loved me on the phone. It was very confusing to me. I finally, after marriage was able to reconnect with my dad and we had a great relationship for many years before I lost him and had to grieve him all over again.

I under-

stand the reason for my grief now, as I didn't under-

stand how I could take his death so hard when I hardly ever saw my dad. I realize that it is the "hope" I lost this time. I guess in all the years that my dad and I maintained a relationship, I always envisioned this wonderful day when my dad would call me and tell me that he had quit drinking and that he was moving down here. That he wanted to be a better father and a grandfather to my children. I had the hope in the back of my mind that someday he would overcome his drinking and live up to the potential that we all knew he had. I am broken hearted that I never had my hopes fulfilled and that he never beat it.

While this saddens me, I am grateful to have been able to know such an intelligent and wonderful person. I wish more people could have known the "Steve" I knew. He was amazing if given the chance to be. I will never forget the way he made me feel when I was a little girl and all the times his hug could cure anything. I was comfortable and content being with my "daddy" and spending time with him.

As we laid my dad to rest, I thought of all the things we would be without now. His laugh, it was contag-

ious! His humor, while sometimes crude, he had a funny side to him. His smile, I am told I have it myself. And his love, while sometimes strained I know my dad loved me. But I also thought of the things his death gave him...Peace, Closure to something so much bigger than himself, and Comfort. I know he is in a wonderful place now and someday I will be able to see my dad again and tell him how much I love him.

As I sprinkled my dad's ashes in the most beautiful place in the world, I told him goodbye and made sure he knew I loved him. I think he heard me because I was at peace with laying him to rest. I love you dad....until we meet again, rest in peace and know that you were loved dearly by many! Enjoy your final resting place.

Because of them...

Because of them...

I found out that you can be utterly exhausted, love completely and have a broken heart all at the same time...

I learned that babies are more work than you could ever imagine, but at the end of the day they bring more joy then you knew possible...

I realized that it is only cute once in your life to cook in the nude with piggy tails, dimples and tenny shoes...

I found out that someone else could love her as much as me...

I experienced an emotion I still can't explain...

I finally appreciated fully the advice these amazing women shared with me and how much it had an impact on my life, as a woman and a mother...

I learned that "that" much drool can come out of one little man...

But I learned that bath time can fix just about anything...

I found out the meaning of "big blue eyes" and the role they play in my daily life...

I was reminded of the preciousness of a newborn baby and the presence they bring into your home...

I was also reminded of the "messy" baby stage again, but how much laughter is in a home with a baby...

I found out that "chocolate" kisses are the best kind...

I learned that Bob the Builder CAN fix it...

And little girls really are "daddy's girls"...

I realized that the "boys" in my life can touch my heart in ways I never imagined...

And dinosaurs can be the greatest form of amuse-

ment...

That school pictures are as good as Christmas and a birthday all in one...

Good or bad...

And that there will be days in our lives that will FOREVER top the record books...

I have also had the oppor-

tunity to find out that there are some people you can be complete-

ly silly around and they will love you know matter what...

And then there are those people that touch your life so deeply that you aren't sure how you got so lucky to find them and love them and have it returned..

I learned that a walk on the beach, can truly be a walk at the beach...

Because of them I am truly blessed and my life is wonderfully complete!

A Ray of Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

It is amazing to me how my kids can lift me up so much when I am down. Today was a difficult day for me... we booked the flight to Washington and plans are final. I guess now we have to come to terms that this is real and we really do have to deal with it.

I spent some time with my little ones this evening and it is all I needed to end a hard day in a great way. They are the best things that have ever happened to me.

I am so grateful for them and the impact they have on my life. I am so grateful for a mother who led me to raise kids right and for a family who supports me. I don't know what I would do without them and their constant support.

In Remembrance of Dad

Stephen Wayne Stewart born on June 22, 1950. Deceased on August 13, 2009

Steve was my dad...

When I was little, I believed he could walk on water. He was the biggest, strongest, and smartest. We shared many fun times together, including hunting, fishing, and camping. We had a family spot on Louis River and he even carved our last name into the picnic table and said that "marked our spot." He said no one else was allowed to camp there. I believed him, although I now know that wasn't true.

Within the past two months, my dad and I shared a laugh about several fishing and hunting stories. We talked about the "flicker" he shot by mistake, thinking it was a grouse. I never did let him live that one down. I still harassed him about that, 20 years later. We also recently shared a laugh about a fishing trip we went on when I was little. I was reeling in the fish and said, "Come on you bastard!" Can't imagine who I would have learned such a word from. HAHA!

I was able to reminisce with my dad about the past, probably more so than most daughters can do, that was what we had! I know that he loved the outdoors and as children, we spent a lot of time there. I can recall one time going hunting with him in the field across from "Disappearing Lake," sitting in an old homestead, watching the deer in the field. No gun, we weren't hunting he said. We were just watching how amazing they were. He told me to stay so quiet so I could see them. I moved and they spotted us and he told me to watch their ears and how still they would stand. It was a memory I am glad I have. I was lucky enough to see that side of my dad, not everyone was able to share that side of him. He had many sides to him, that being the best!

My dad and I reconnected about five years ago after many years of phone calls only. It was a difficult relationship at times, but I am grateful for those years. He was able to be part of my adult life and meet two of my three children and I was able to get to know my dad, for the person he was and not the image I had of him as a child.

I know that he made choices in his life that he regretted until the day he passed from this life, but one thing I always knew, whether he showed it or now, was that he loved me. He cared about me and the life that I lived. He loved my kids and wanted to be part of our lives, he just allowed things to get in the way sometimes.

He had many loves, one of them was food. When he would come to visit I would always get a request list of food and I remember that he loved pepper. He would have saved himself the time if he had just uncapped the bottle and poured it on rather than sprinkle it. He told me the last time he was here that I was a great cook and that I must have inherited it from my mother, I think he was right. He would always brag about how wonderful her spaghetti was, but he said my Shredded Beef enchiladas were better, little did he know it was her recipe. I guess he knows now.

I am saddened for the loss of our family, even though I didn't get to see him often, the absence is still felt. I sent my dad a letter last week, filling him in on the current happenings in our family and asking how he was doing. I sent it Saturday, along with pictures. He passed away Thursday night of a heart attack. There are two things I pray for, one, that he went quickly and peacefully (hopefully in his sleep), the other, that he got my letter and knew how much I truly loved him! He had his faults but he was still my dad and he meant a lot to me.

To my dad~ Rest peacefully dad! I will forever love you and the "super hero" image you carried in my heart. I will miss you and our conversations, I will always cherish our years together. You will always and forever carry a very special place in my memories and my life. I will be there to help lay you to rest next week, you won't have to do it alone.

I love you!

Your daughter,

Jessica

The First Day of School

Well, first day of school.... I now have one in kindergarten...

and one in 5th grade...

Here they are sporting their "First Day" clothes... so cute!

And then there is Chase, what a ham he is growing up to be. He gets to spend his days with my best friend and dear neighbor, Kelci...

I am so lucky to have these little sweeties. Back to our busy lives in the "real world" now that summer is over.