A Final Resting Place

So, last weekend we went to Washing-

ton State to put my dad to rest, finally. I feel confident that he will be happy with his resting spot, knowing that his children, parents, brother, and friends were there to send him off. We owe so much to these people (especially the Kercmar Family) for their love and support.

I hope my dad knows how much we love him and will forever miss his presence in our lives. I will miss the occasional phone calls we shared once in a while and the visits ever so often. I will miss my dad!

As we were having my dad's service, I began reflecting on the moments in my life that my dad was a part of. I remember the good and the bad, but choose to focus on all the good. During his services, my grandpa mentioned that his years in Appleton (where we lived) were the best years of his life. I have so many memories there that I count as some of the best in mine as well, who knows, some of them could have been shared by both my dad and me. My grandpa mentioned the day I was born and how proud my dad was. I can now say, after many moments and hours of reflection, I too, was proud to be his daughter.

I am so grateful to have my memories of my dad that I get to carry with me throughout the rest of my life.

I had a conver-

sation with a friend recently that I will be forever grateful to have had. She lost a parent in much the same way I lost my dad. We both lost our parents many years before their actual passing.

I lost my dad to alcohol many years ago, unfortunately, he was never able to catch his demons and pull himself out of his bottle, but the love I had for my father never changed . I realize now that I have gone through the grieving process twice for my dad. Once, 16 years ago when my parents divorced and we moved from Washington to Arizona. I didn't get to physically see my dad again from the time I was almost 10 until my 13th birthday. It was so hard to go without someone I cared about for so long, especially when I was so used to seeing him so regularly. I eventually became content with only phone calls. After that it was another 3 years before I saw him and that was only for a week.

I missed my dad and was very resentful of the fact that he wasn't around more. I didn't understand how if he loved me he could go so long without seeing me, especially when he always told me how much he loved me on the phone. It was very confusing to me. I finally, after marriage was able to reconnect with my dad and we had a great relationship for many years before I lost him and had to grieve him all over again.

I under-

stand the reason for my grief now, as I didn't under-

stand how I could take his death so hard when I hardly ever saw my dad. I realize that it is the "hope" I lost this time. I guess in all the years that my dad and I maintained a relationship, I always envisioned this wonderful day when my dad would call me and tell me that he had quit drinking and that he was moving down here. That he wanted to be a better father and a grandfather to my children. I had the hope in the back of my mind that someday he would overcome his drinking and live up to the potential that we all knew he had. I am broken hearted that I never had my hopes fulfilled and that he never beat it.

While this saddens me, I am grateful to have been able to know such an intelligent and wonderful person. I wish more people could have known the "Steve" I knew. He was amazing if given the chance to be. I will never forget the way he made me feel when I was a little girl and all the times his hug could cure anything. I was comfortable and content being with my "daddy" and spending time with him.

As we laid my dad to rest, I thought of all the things we would be without now. His laugh, it was contag-

ious! His humor, while sometimes crude, he had a funny side to him. His smile, I am told I have it myself. And his love, while sometimes strained I know my dad loved me. But I also thought of the things his death gave him...Peace, Closure to something so much bigger than himself, and Comfort. I know he is in a wonderful place now and someday I will be able to see my dad again and tell him how much I love him.

As I sprinkled my dad's ashes in the most beautiful place in the world, I told him goodbye and made sure he knew I loved him. I think he heard me because I was at peace with laying him to rest. I love you dad....until we meet again, rest in peace and know that you were loved dearly by many! Enjoy your final resting place.